It is the end of the week. I was so pumped and excited after church sunday night. I really thought that I was on the right track. I felt that deep presence of God. I have gotten five days from that presence, and I have a confusion about the course I have chosen for my life. It is like I had a full tank on Sunday, and now I am running close to empty. I have been trying to read my Bible every morning. I have been reading five Psalms every morning at work. It just seems like I just can't get enough of God's presence right now.
When I get to points like this I start to doubt myself. I have never been a very confident person. Right now I need all the confidence I can muster. If ever there were a time that I needed to be confident and determined, then now is the time. It is time to stop being a coward. Stop talking and start doing.
I have a horrible habit. I always have to look to others to tell me I am doing the right thing, and to continue on. It isn't a terrible thing to seek the advice of wiser people to keep yourself on the right track. The problem arises when you place all of your decisions into the hands of others. That is the problem I am facing. I have to stop, and just do.
I am experiencing one of the toughest times in my life. I had a similar experience and I took the easy way out. It was easier to blame others, then to face my own weaknesses and to grow through them. I keep going to the same person to answer the same question. It has to be insanity, because I continue to get the same answer. How do I get that sense of rightness? When my tank is nearing empty, and I need that small voice to tell me that I am on the right path. It is in those times when I am ready just to toss in the towel. It is just easier. It hurts too much, and I just don't know how much more I have left.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and he will make your path straight. I am certain I learned that in sunday school. Why is it at these times that it is so hard to trust God. If I look back on my life it is plainly obvious that he has been faithful. Why is it that I always lose faith when the week gets to Friday? How do I get a refueling? I can't keep returning to the same thing week in and week out. I just have to know it. God is faithful and he never sleeps.
When you think about it, it is a blessing that God wants to be intimately involved in our lives. Why is it that so often it is easier to think of him as an old clock maker, who has made the watch and stepped back to watch it run? God is not like that at all. I pray that this next week that when it comes to Friday, that I will see him as a God who wants nothing more than to walk with me in the garden.