To Whom It May Concern,
I have to be honest. When all this started I hated you. I would think about the evil things that I could do to you. I wanted you to be as miserable as I was. I wanted to cause you a pain that was equal to your betrayal. You were someone I called a friend.
With time most of that has passed. It is still very difficult to see you. I am not so much angry now, as I am deeply hurt and saddened. Seeing you can suck all of the life from me, and leave me paralyzed. I am sure in time that will pass. None of that is why I am writing to you.
I won't preach at you. I won't lecture you. I just want to share my story. I want you to know what I consider my greatest blunder in life. I married young. I doubt even now that I truly understand all of the challenges that marriage entails. I returned home from a training exercise, and my wife told me she wanted out. At that moment I made the greatest mistake of my life. I gave up. I just quit. I agreed with her. When I sought wise counsel from my pastor, I was told not to give up. I was told that it was right to fight for my family. It was very good advice, but for me it was already too late. I had already checked out. I was already done. I tried to give the appearance of one trying to fight for my family, but truthfully my heart was never in it. I never sought God. I thought I could just handle it all on my own. I was so wrong. Looking back, I wish that I had not given up. I wish that I had put all the effort that my family deserved into saving my family. I assumed that my kids would be ok. I would be the part-time Dad, and nothing would really change. I was so wrong. It was like my entire world was set upside down. The relationship I have with my kids has never been the same. The closeness that we experienced when they were young are only distant memories of a life I wish I had tried harder to save. I would give anything to go back, and do it all over again. I can not. I have to live with the mistakes I have made and try my best to learn from them.
I am not sure if any of that will mean anything to you. I do want you to know that I am praying for you. Jesus told us to love our enemies. Unfortunately, that is where you find yourself in my heart at this time. I can't tell you what to do. The only thing that I can do at this time is continue to lift you up to the one who can change hearts. I hope by praying for you everyday that God will give me the power to forgive you. I hope that one day that the site of you doesn't cause me so much sadness. I can merely move forward in the grace of God. I am relying on him to go from day-to-day. I have prayed more in the last two months than I have my entire life. I am no longer afraid of what will happen to me, or if I will be able to make it on my own. I know that I have all the strength I could ever need with God. I will land on my feet, and I will thrive in him.
I honestly hurt for you. You have set fire to the world around you. I am not even sure that you can smell the smoke. You have important decisions to make in the future. I hope that you will not take them lightly. I would hate for you to live in the same regret that I do. It is not everything that it is cracked up to be. At first you will feel the relief of casting off a relationship that you feel no longer satisfies you. It is short-lived. After that you will be consumed with unimaginable sorrow when you look up and realize your family is in tatters. I will continue to pray for you. I will continue to seek the power of God to forgive you. I pray God will give you the wisdom to face the decisions that must be made in the future.