For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. (NLT)
This is a large responsibilty for men. To love our wives as Christ loved the church. I suppose for me to really understand all that means, then I must reflect on my role as the bride of Christ. I have been unfaithful. I have chased after other loves. I have sought pleasure apart from him. I have sought the approval of men. I have rejected him. I have turned my back and walked out on him. He has been a faithful husband. He has never missed a chase to woo me back to his side. When I was my coldest toward him, that is when he is his warmest. He has never exposed me to ridicule. He has honored me. He has blessed me. When I have been unfaithful he has welcomed me back into his arms. He has never been anything but loving and kind to me. When I turned my back on him, he left the 99 to come and find that which was lost. He has never missed a chance to call me his beloved. He did more than lay down his life for me. He was in very essence God. He veiled his divinity. He took the form of his creation. He showed me enormous humility. The God of the Universe became a simple man. He laid down his life, so that I may be his bride. It is because of his great love, that I am able to share that love with the world around me. He has reconciled me to himself. He lifted the veil and said I did, I do, and I always will. He did all this so that I may be cleansed with his blood.
I am caught in a dire situation. Many would have told me to count my losses and move on. I have struggled with where I should go from here. Sometimes, I think that my relationship with my wife couldn't have started any worse. I was in that moment of desertion of God. I was at my weakest point. At the time, I had no use for God. I was angry with him. I could not believe what he had allowed me to go through. If ever a disaster were to come, then my relationship with my wife was it. All that being said, God has never deserted me. God gave me this woman. God brought this woman into my life into my life at a desperate time in my life. I have promised to be her husband. When it all fell apart, I instantly recognized where everything had gone wrong. I turned back to God. I have sought his heart. I want nothing more than to stand in his will. I am at a loss of what to do. The only hope I have right now is in God.
I will conclude will a few thoughts. If God has given this woman to me, then I can not walk away from her. I am commanded to love her as Christ loved the church. Look at all that Christ has tolerated from me. He watched me seek after others. He watched as I deserted him. He never gave up pursuing me. Even when I was most vocal in my rejection of him. Even when I told him I wanted out. He stood steadfast. If I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church, then shouldn't I be willing to do the same? How could I walk away now? All that Christ has tolerated in me casts a long shadow across the small pile of wrongs that I am now suffering. Honestly, I have never taken seriously the call to lead my home. Spiritual leadership has never been one of my strong attributes. At this moment, I feel that is what is needed in this situation. To give up now, would not only let someone I love down, but I would fail in my responsibility to my wife. God has placed me in a position of spiritual leadership over this woman. It should not be a self-righteous bible thumping type of leadership. It should be the strong and gentle leadership that Christ has shown to me. He has accepted all my warts. He has covered all of my failings. He has loved me when I was the least loveliest. When I was cold to him and turn my back on him, he stood ready to accept me again as his bride. How could I not do the same?
I am not sure where my life is going to go in the coming year. That is all up to God. I trust his loving kindness. I have never been disappointed when I have placed my trust in him. I am being asked to trust him. I am being asked to be faithful. I am being asked to be patient. All of those things are so incredibly difficult to do when you see no hope in human sense. He will carry me through. I have to remain faithful to him. I have to trust him. I have to be patient. He will resolve all things in his time, and not mine.