Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Letter #5

To Whom It May Concern,

I still remember when I met you.  I had just met your mom.  I didn't know where the two of us were going, and so I tried to keep my distance.  Eventually, though that sweet little girl melted my heart.  I remember wrestling on the floor with you.  You acted like a tough little boy.  When I got a little too rough, then the sweet little girl came out.  It didn't take long for you to take up a permanent place in my heart.  I love you.  I will always love you.

I remember when you brought home a gingerbread house.  I don't remember how, but I ended up crushing it.  You were so upset with me.  I was just as upset with myself.  I didn't like seeing that I had upset you.  I have spent the last several years building gingerbread houses with you.  I have been trying to make up for the one that I destroyed.  I suppose I have numerous years to keep working at that.  I still have the one we made this year sitting on my counter.  It is a reminder of the last time that I saw you.  If you are interesting, it still looks pitiful.  Apparently, it is not a good idea to by the kit on clearance, and hang on to it for an entire year.

I have always tried to treat you like my own flesh and blood.  I guess at some point I dropped the ball.  I remember several weeks before the world blew up, that you told me I only liked to do things with you when my kids were around.  I was devastated.  I felt like the emperor in his new clothes, naked and exposed.  I want to make that right.  You are my daughter.  You will always be.  No matter what happens, I will always be here.  I came to you, and told you that we would start to do somethings just the two of us.  Then all this happened.

I haven't been at my best.  There are a lot of things that I could have done differently.  I am trying to make right, what I have messed up.  No matter what happens in the future, being your dad is something that I still really want to do.  It makes me so angry that someone could have a child, and then turn their back on her.  I don't want to do that to you.  I don't know how or when we will come out of this, but I will be there for you.  I will never turn my back on you.  I could not live with myself if I were to do that.  For the time being, these are the rules we have to live with.  I am here.  I will always be here, and I will always love you.

In Him,

Brandon

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