Well, I lost my momentum. I truly intended to write a reflection for each and everyday of Lent. The best made plans of mice and men, I suppose. Perhaps at sometime in the future I will go back and complete that series. I need to stop trying to fool myself. I am just not that disciplined. I like to think that I will be able to maintain some sort of schedule. That is just not me. Besides the creative process doesn't always work on a schedule. There are days when I truly have nothing to say, and then there are days when I just can't shut up.
Life has also diverted my attention. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely taking the time of reflection that Lent requires, but as far as sitting down and sharing those thoughts with all of you, well I have just not had much time. If you had told me six months ago that I would be where I am today, then I would have told you that you were out of your mind. I had no intention of getting back into another relationship. If I were to do that, then I definitely saw that happening years from now. For now, I thought, I would be content to meet new people and just date. Nothing serious. Just share a meal and few laughs with someone. Honestly, I was feeling very jaded by all this.
Life has a way of tossing our plans and intentions into the air. I had no intention of starting a relationship. Then I met an amazing woman. I have always had such a low opinion of myself, that I never entered a relationship on equal footing. I was convinced that people were lowering themselves to date me, and that I ought to not rock the boat or I would be out of it in a hurry. Here I am entering a relationship on equal footing. It is strange and unfamiliar but exhilarating all the same.
I truly was coming to a point of contentment with my solitary life. I was beginning to fill my schedule with things to keep me busy. I had lodge stuff to do, and then a couple different classes for church. In all that, I just thought that perhaps I would meet someone. I wasn't going to really go out there, but if it happened, then so be it. I never thought it would happen so quickly.
We had originally just started exchanging text messages. I am not sure what it was, but I just felt a real connection. I wanted to drag my feet, but there was just no way to slow the trajectory. After we met, I was just a lost cause. All caution seemed to be cast aside in a moment. I had gone from a grown man, back to a middle schooler with a huge crush. I really thought that I had out grown those feelings. Love is far more practical than that isn't it? I mean what do butterflies and clammy palms have to do with real life? I was smitten.
So I am hooked. I am scared to death, but at the same time I am so excited. I find myself so anxious to spend all of my free time with her, and heartbroken when those times end. I am realistic. I know that this giddy infatuation stage will eventually end, but I am enjoying every minute of it. I am not sure where this is going. I try not to think that far in the future. I am enjoying the trip, and I am trying to live in each and every moment. I have stepped away from the swallow end of the pool and I am wading into the deep end. Here goes nothing.