Look Who's Talking!

I have to be honest.  I started write this blog as a way to get a lot of stuff off my chest.  It has become something other than that.  I sit and read what I have written, and I would like to say to myself, "who are you kidding".  I would like to say that I am sharing advice from what I have done in my life.  I would like to say that I have always been faithful.  That just isn't the case.  I have fallen more than I have stood.  I turned my back on God in those times that I needed him the most.  I have hidden my face, rather than risk being rejected as some sort of nut.  I am tired of that life.  I am tired of being something that I am not.  I hated myself.  I have been so depressed and shrank from human interaction.  That is not who I was made to be.  I want to be able to live out loud.  I want what I know about God to affect my outward behavior.  I want desperately to grow to be more and more like Christ.  He never hid from anything.  He never beat around the bush.  He told it how it was, and allowed others to deal with it.  That is the sort of life that I want to live.  If you can't be honest about yourself, then what is the point.

I am going through so much crap in my life right now.  Some of it isn't my fault, but there is some that is my fault for not being who I was created to be.  I doubted the things that God had spoken about me.  I didn't believe that I could possibly be as valuable as he claimed.  I got back all that I invested in my life.  If you invest little, then you will get a much smaller return.  We have to invest all of ourselves.  Only when you fully invest yourself will you can a maximum return.

A couple of months ago, God laid it on my heart to start this blog.  I resisted his urging.  I really didn't think that I could have all that much to offer.  I don't know why or for whom this is written.  It could be that it is just a means to help me to heal.  I really don't know.  I am just trusting God, and I following his urging.  He will do with it what he has intended.  If you are enjoying my post, then I am glad.  I pray that God will bless you.  If he can use my words to bless others, then I guess that is all I can really ask for.  I have no idea why he would use someone like me.  I am just happy to obey.


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